Diary of a Second-Semester Senior

Well, it’s official: I have survived the first week of my last semester of high school EVER!

Man, how time flies.

I remember being in grade school and looking up at the “big kids” and thinking that they were so much bigger than me, so much older and stronger. When you’re that age, it’s hard to picture yourself one day being one of the “big kids”. I went to a small private academy for elementary and middle school, and I remember looking at the seniors’ pictures in the yearbook as a tiny little nine-year-old and never imagining that one day, I would have my own picture, in my own yearbook, with my own senior class reminiscing over the last four years of our lives.

In just a few short months, that day will come. Now, I am a second-semester high school senior, and the future is speeding towards me faster than I can even comprehend. And if I’m being one-hundred percent honest (which I always am), it’s scary – really, really scary.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the hype of it all – college applications and acceptances, suffering through Thanksgiving with all your relatives asking you where you’re going in the fall, putting down a deposit once you finally make the choice, then searching desperately for scholarship money, crossing your fingers and squeezing your eyes shut, wishing and hoping and praying that things will work out the way that they are supposed to. We lock ourselves onto this fast track we have set up in our minds, and our only focus is on what we have designed our futures to look like, with every detail perfectly in place.

I think sometimes, it’s hard to see that what we want to happen and what is supposed to happen aren’t necessarily the same thing.

My senior year has definitely not gone the way that I planned. I was riding on my fast track, with all my T’s crossed and my I’s dotted, but destiny always has a funny way of jumping into the mix, changing the tune, scrambling the puzzle. So many details of the plan that I had strategized  in my mind have been changed, and I’ve had to make some really difficult decisions – I’m still in the process of making difficult decisions, as a matter of fact. But I suppose that’s the meaning of it all. Life isn’t intended to be easy and simple and one-size fits all, and that’s what I’ve learned so far from my senior year. Plans change, feelings change, and sometimes, what you want and what is best for you are two different things. I thought I was headed one way, and now I’m headed to a place in a completely opposite direction.You have to keep rolling with the punches, or you’ll never survive.

So, I will say it once again: things will work out the way that they’re supposed to. The stress is real, mental breakdowns are real, and senioritis is very real, but in the end, it’s all going to be okay. Just keep swimming.

Here’s to finishing out senior year, y’all!

 

Much love,

KateIMG_9446

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